So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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