We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
