i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
