is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
