i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
