Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
