It's a beautiful day for a hangover
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize