I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
