someone get that fucking seahorse.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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