it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
