Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
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