I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
