I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize