last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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