I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
