I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Randomize
