Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
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There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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