how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
