dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize