similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
