dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
thus making me awesome and them whores
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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