my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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