She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I need to calm my uterus...
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
