You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
