It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
