ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
