i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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