I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
