My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Randomize