Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
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