My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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