Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
