i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
