I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
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His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
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You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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