How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
