nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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