I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
