I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
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Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
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he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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