Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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