Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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