There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
