hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
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Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
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Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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