Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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