That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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