Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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