I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
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We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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