Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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