she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Randomize
