don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
