i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize