I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
