I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
