wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
