Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
