he told me I talked like a deaf person
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
