She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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