My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I think I sprained my soul last night
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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