If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
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