hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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