What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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