we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
