shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
