If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
