watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
