Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
