I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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