all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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