I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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