You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Randomize
