We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Randomize
