i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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