are you still at the devil's house?
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
