If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
