i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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