Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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