WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Randomize
