i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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